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What is the scariest topic to bring up in a relationship? MONEY! So says Dr. Taffy Wagner of Money Talk Matters. She is a former contributor to OneWed, TheManRegistry and Wednet.
She has been interviewed by The Associated Press, US News and World Reports,
Womansday.com and Called Magazine regarding money and marriage issues.
We've invited Dr. Taffy to speak with us about money issues couples should tackle before they are married. By learning how your fiance (or fiancee) handles money, your relationship becomes closer.
Segments of this interesting interview between Damien Allen of Vertio.net and Dr. Taffy Wagner are shown below. You can also listen to this radio interview. Just click on the WeddingDetails Radio banner on the left.
We hope you'll be brave enough to ask the important questions about money before you are married, and get to know your soon-to-be spouse much better.
Our site is dedicated to helping you plan your special day. If you have a tricky wedding question, just ask our experts, Lois, Sally and Paul. You can even contact our Vendors if you are looking for something in particular, but can't seem to locate it.
Congratulations on your engagement!
Linda Missler
WeddingDetails
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DAMIEN: What
does financial education mean to couples who just got engaged?
DR. TAFFY: Financial education
means that they don't have to have any regrets after they say I Do. It
means they can talk about money right now, lay everything out on the table that
they were afraid to talk about when they became engaged. It can actually save
them from being that couple that ends up at the divorce table saying well you
didn't tell me this. Instead they know right up front what they are
getting themselves into.
DAMIEN: Hasn't money always
been part of a marriage? Why do you think so many engaged couples ignore
the red flags?
DR. TAFFY: It has always been a
part of marriage, but I think people have ignored the red flags out of
fear. They are afraid if they tell somebody how much debt or how many
financial mistakes they've made that the wedding will be called off. They
also believe that we can get married, but I can change things once he said, "I
do. Or once she says, "I do." I can change the whole situation, because
they are kind of doing it undercover. They think they will become the money
manager, and they can begin to pay everything off with dual incomes.
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DAMIEN: What
are some of the red flags that newly engaged couple should watch out for?
DR. TAFFY: While they are
engaged and they're going out on dates, and they are having all these dinners,
they need to look for one - how much money is being spent? If the groom is
always going to be paying, is he paying for the meal all the time, but is he
also paying his bills? Is he lavishing her with so many gifts if they've
had an argument as a way to mask where the problem is, but also are either one
of them relying so much on their parents for money, Instead of working it
out for themselves and handling their own financial responsibilities.
And
I do want to add one more thing in, and that is, do they both have a very good
work ethic or is there a presentation of a lack of work ethic on somebody's
part? The reason I say that is because every now and then I get these
comments behind the scenes on one of my websites that says, 'my fiancé is not working
right now, he's not paying his bills', and I think to myself, well what is the
message he is trying to send to you as you are preparing for
marriage? Does he want to send a message that he is not going to pay the
bills, and he's not going to handle responsibility? Or does he really want
to say 'I've had a situation that happened at work and I'm not working, but I am
going to get a job and I'm going to handle my responsibilities'.
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DAMIEN:
Now you have Money Talk
Matters. What are the goals of Money Talk and how did you discover the
need for this?
DR. TAFFY: The goals of Money
Talks is to say to couples, whether they are engaged or newly wed, listen, we
know that you are not taught money management skills per se, because that
wasn't something I was offered in K-12. And so it's a resource to help
them learn how to talk with each other about money versus at each
other. Not arguing about money, knowing how to discover that you both came
to your relationship with different financial backgrounds, good, bad, or indifferent,
but now you need to form a mutual financial foundation as a married
couple.
That way you can go forth within your marriage without having the
stress of, oh I have a financial secret and he/she doesn't know, or I didn't
make a good decision when I was single and now it's coming back to bite
us.
So Money Talks is a very candid program that shares with couples
throughout the lifetime of their marriage how to talk about money. How to
decide on vacations that need to be spent as far as family holidays, how to
plan for if you have elderly parents, and you're going to need to chip in
when it comes to finances on making sure they are cared for, but also how to
decide how do you handle being a student, because sometimes we go back to
school as married adults and now that money is going to be taken away from the
household finances to be used for school.
So how do we handle that as a
husband, a wife, a student, an employee, and a parent, because we do become
parents, and how do you deal with money in all those different roles that it
plays within a marriage.
DAMIEN: How do you suggest a
couple "start the conversations about money?'
DR. TAFFY: I think they should
do it in a very lighthearted way. You know, go out and have a great dinner
at one of your favorite restaurants and say, you know, I really started
thinking about our mutual situation, because we are making decisions as we are
planning for the wedding, but let's go one step further and start talking about
our marriage.
What is it you would like to see for the marriage? What
are the goals you have as far as finances? As far as savings, as far as
long term goals? And start it out very lighthearted and then get into, and
this is an ongoing conversation, Damien, it's not a one time conversation, because
we use money almost every day whether we are putting gas in our car or whether
we are buying lunch. Whatever it is, we use money all the time.
So we
need to start talking about it as a resource, as a tool that can be used in a
great way versus a derogatory manner that oooh I made a mistake so now this is
what defines me. No, we made mistakes because we didn't know what to do
with money. We were not taught and now we need to actively say, "Alright,
here's what the situation is, what are some creative ways to solve financial
situations that exist?"
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WEDDING TRADITIONS: MOROCCO
Morocco, one of the gems of North
Africa, is the country with very rich and active traditions. Like other
cultures of the world, a Moroccan wedding is a great gala event. It's celebrated
in three stages with great fun and festivity.
~ The Hammam: A
pre-wedding ceremony, women and friends of the bride have a party where the
bride is given a milk bath in the hammam, which includes a black soap to purify
the bride.
~ The Henna: The
Nekkacha, a specialist paints the hands and feet of the bride and her party.
The bride's hands are painted with intricate designs which are usually floral
and geometrical designs to ward off evil spirits.
~ The Ceremony:
The Neggafates dresses the bride and groom in their traditional attire that
is customary to the different regions of Morocco in which they exchange their
rings. After the ceremony refreshments of milk and eating of dates are served
to symbolize life's sweetness and fruitfulness and the newlyweds go around the
room on an Amariya carried by young men dressed for the occasion.
Information courtesy of Octogone Hotels, Terre Resort & Spa
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 DAMIEN: What is your number one budget recommendation for a newly engaged couple, Dr. Taffy?
DR. TAFFY: Number one budget
recommendation, sit down and be very honest about all the money that is
coming in and all the money that has to go out.
Whether it is child
support, whether it's an old bill that you haven't paid on and a
creditor is going to be calling, because we have lived prior to
becoming engaged or in this marital relationship, and we have made
choices that might not have been good.
And what I would hope would
happen is that whoever the spouse to be is that they don't hold your
mistakes against you, because they were not there. They don't have a
right to judge. They don't know what the whole situation was; however,
yes they have to deal with some of the repercussions of it so we need
to come together and say, "Listen, here's how we're going to handle
this together so we both can benefit. I'm not going to point the finger
at you and blame you, because nobody is perfect. We all make mistakes." |
DAMIEN: You are also starting a blog
for wives discussing money management. Could you tell us about that and
where can wives sign up for it?
DR. TAFFY: Yes, that is called
Marriage Money Matters, because Damien, most of the time wives end up
managing the money whether they want to or not. And so we find
ourselves in stress, we get the blame if something goes wrong with the
finances and still we are afraid to talk to somebody or get help. So I
started that membership site www.marriagemoneymatters.com
so that wives could go on there and have access 24/7 in the private
comfort of their own home. They can write me about any of their
issues. There are a ton of resources already on there. I have
downloadable e-books. I have calculators on that site. I have
interviews... of wives who dealt with child
support issues and divorce, becoming a widow and not knowing how to
manage money, or being a wife who is an entrepreneur, running a
household, having a business in the house and still managing money, and
spreading it out over all those different areas that it needs to take
care of. So it is loaded down with a lot of resources and information
already. Wives can have access right there and if they have to clean
up financial situations, and the husband can be saying, "Wait a minute,
I did make a great decision, I married the right person. I don't have
to blame her, we're in this together." |
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If you would like to read more of Dr Taffy Wagner's interview, or listen to her, click on the WeddingDetails Radio button above.
Dr. Taffy Wagner of Money Talk Matters is a former contributor to OneWed, TheManRegistry and Wednet.
She has been interviewed by The Associated Press, US News and World Reports,
Called Magazine, and Womansday.com regarding money and marriage issues.
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Funny Money - video trailer for Chevy Chase movie
Light-hearted movie trailer about finding a large sum of money. Starring Chevy Chase. Official site: Funny Money Movie |
Our site is dedicated to helping you plan your special day. If you have a tricky wedding question, just ask our experts, Lois, Sally and Paul.
If you are not engaged, we hope you will send this information to an engaged couple. We're here to help couples (and their families) plan their wedding!
We hope you will choose to be our Beautiful Bride!
Linda Missler
Wedding Details
P.S. Hope you found this newsletter helpful. If you have a topic that you would like to see discussed, please let us know. info@weddingdetails.com |
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